It's tired. So I just have basically one thought. And the one thought I'll give you right out. It's radical obedience. That's what I'd like to talk about. But I'd like to begin by telling you a story of something that happened to me a year or two ago. We had just finished a series of our discernment dialogues. This was the one on... church renovation. And usually at the end of those, we're all pretty drained. And so we weren't going to have any more dialogues for a while. And I particularly felt tired, but I also felt that I felt called to go into solitude for a while, a couple of days. And I usually take one day a week as a retreat day. And this week, I kind of knew that the Lord wanted me to take two days in complete solitude.

[01:03]

And I'm not the kind of person that gets these inspirations, you know. I'm very low-key on that. But I didn't have any doubt that this was what the Lord wanted me to do. So we have a little cabin that's quite far from the monastery. And I would fairly often go there for a day of retreat. But I had never stayed overnight in the cabin alone. And I happen to be one of these people that is very uneasy in a house alone at night. I just get very uneasy. It's not easy for me to stay alone at night. So I had decided that I was going to go to this cabin. And if I felt called to be there for two days, There has to be a night in between. So I kind of knew that I was going to have to spend the night alone in this cabin. And I knew I'd feel fear, but I figured that that's what the Lord wanted me to do.

[02:09]

So I went out and had a very good day. And then night approached. And knowing how I would react... I did everything to make myself feel secure. I locked the doors and left a little light on, and I went to bed before it was too dark. This was in the summer, so the night wasn't too long. Thank God. So then, got into bed, and after a while, I began to feel the unease coming on. But I also began to notice a kind of a phenomenon was happening, that Every little sound that I heard, I had to identify. Whatever the sound was, if I could identify it, then I was okay. I was peaceful. But if I couldn't identify it, then the adrenaline would start going and I'd begin thinking, what is it? Should I get up, check it out? And a couple of times I got up and once it was a rabbit under the window and, you know, the floor creaking from nothing.

[03:13]

So this went on for a long time. But what I realized was that if I could identify the sounds, then I was in control. And that's what I had to have. I had to have control over the situation. And at the same time that I experienced that need to have the control by simply identifying the sounds, it's no control at all, but at least it feels like control, I also felt this pulling to simply yield to God because He had called me there and I didn't have any doubt about it. And if God called me there, He'd take care of me, whatever, He would be there with me. And couldn't I yield to that? So this went on, this pull to identify every sound and feel and control, and the same pull or another pull to just yield and to relax and rest. in the Lord's will for me because I didn't have any doubt that he was with me.

[04:20]

So finally, after about four hours of this back and forth, I finally fell asleep. And I think it was sheer exhaustion. I don't think it was that I finally yielded absolutely to the Lord. But while all this was going on, I began to realize something else. that this yielding to God, this letting go of the control, was like a dying. It was really kind of just an entering into that total loss of control that is death. And the movement to sleep was really a movement into the unknown, into a sort of a death. And I guess that wasn't a very new insight since our office of Compline is really a preparation for death as well as a preparation for the night rest. But this night it was very palpably clear.

[05:23]

I really experienced that if I let go, I was entering into that same movement as the movement into death. To yield or to die by letting go of the controls is what I came to call radical. It was like letting go of the last remnant of myself and of my own control over myself. And I had never seen so clearly the intimate relationship between radical obedience and that human instinct to hang on to control. In fact, to choose to relinquish ultimate control can only be done if one's faith is very strong. And even then, the pull, the hold on control is very powerful.

[06:25]

Even when I felt God's presence and call to be there, still the instinct to guard was strong. So what I learned from that experience at least the way I interpreted it, is that I would say probably the greatest obstacle to radical obedience isn't so much pride or self-will as fear. A fear of the unknown. A fear of losing control. Even when I want to let go of the control, Even when I believe that God is calling me to complete freedom, the ears are always pricking up. What will this do to me? Will this hurt me or harm me? Can I let go?

[07:29]

And that's all fear, I think. In our life, the supreme act of freedom is to yield. to yield to the God who calls us and who loves us and cares for us like the flowers of the field. I think that there are many fits and starts along our way of responding to God's call. And in his mercy, God does show us once in a while how tenacious our hold on ourselves really is, and how we can expend a lot of energy in protecting ourselves. And sometimes I think it is good to remind ourselves that we really want to be moving in that opposite direction, in the direction of more and more surrender into God's loving providence.

[08:34]

And that's what I call radical obedience. It's at the root of our being. A being made for God and destined to find happiness only in God. And to me, radical obedience encompasses every other aspect of our life. It's primary and it's pervasive. It really enters into all of our life. For a monk, This radical obedience has a definite shape and form. The prologue of the rule is full of words like, come and follow, the call. And the rest of the chapters maps out a plan of response to that call. Obedience isn't one of the ways that we return to the Father. It's the way. As it was for Jesus, it is for the monk.

[09:35]

It is for all Christians. But as we read on in the rule, especially chapter 5 and 7, there's a great emphasis on what we might call obediences. St. Benedict talks about the abbot or the abbess giving a command or the senior requesting something of a junior or the person in charge of an employment giving directions. or a community guideline decision that we've come to that is to govern behavior. Evidently, St. Benedict understands that there's a real connection, if not identification, between these apparently external acts of obedience and that deep and very personal, very radical yielding of oneself to God I shared these thoughts with our community one Sunday and then the following Sunday we had what we call a value sharing that's another meeting that I forgot to mention we have value sharings every once in a while when we take a monastic value and just express what it means to us it's very informal the way we just sit around here and say what does obedience mean to us

[11:03]

And the subject of the sharing was the connection between radical obedience, that obedience that comes from the very root of our being and governs our whole life, and these daily obediences, these little things that come along. And it was very interesting, as I listened to the community, and an image came to me. And the image was of a river. a strong current full of vitality and movement. And this was how I heard the sisters speaking of what radical obedience is in their lives. It's a strong movement that pulses through their whole life. And the source of this river is love. Many mention that specifically. Love must express itself.

[12:06]

And if it is true love, it must express itself in a way that transcends self-interest. The nature of love is to be other-centered. So love hears a call and responds. And the current or the movement of this river is the force of this response. But this river has many rivulets, little streams, little creeks and basins. They're all part of the river, but they're not the whole. And so this was kind of an image for me of how our ordinary daily yieldings of ourselves and of our personal interest in the service of others to the community is related to the whole thrust of our lives.

[13:08]

If a stream or a channel of the river is dammed up, it lessens the flow, but it doesn't stop at all together. It weakens its force, but the flow is still there. There's one last thought I might mention. that I think is a real difficulty for many people today. Today our society, and we are very influenced by this, holds personal autonomy as a very high value. Maybe it's overemphasized, even idolized in some instances, but personal autonomy is a value. And how do we relate this value with the traditional value which Dalmarmian calls Bonum Obedientiae, the good of obedience.

[14:12]

And two things occur to me. If there is a tension in a person's life between these two values, it could very well be a healthy tension. Because I think the only way to integrate the good of both of these values is to live them in a peaceful tension. And secondly, if fear, fear of losing one's autonomy or lessening one's possibility of development becomes primary in one's life, it becomes the dominating force then the flow of the river is greatly reduced. One has lost the tension, and there's an imbalance, and the fear takes over. We may not recognize it as fear, but I think if you look at it very, very honestly, analytically even, we would recognize it as fear.

[15:23]

I do a little weaving from time to time, nothing like Brother Stephen's beautiful weaving, but just a little bit. And it's very important in the kind of table loom weaving that I do that the warp be kept in proper tension. And if it becomes slack, then there's no way that you can introduce the weft into it. And the process comes to a halt. And I see As I see it, personal autonomy is necessary for true obedience. Personal autonomy is the ability to make a mature choice, and it is the ability to cooperate. The opposite of true autonomy isn't obedience. It's dependency. And my limited experience with myself and others, mainly women, is that dependency is laden with fear.

[16:33]

Fear of making a mistake. Fear of being responsible for one's own choices. This is what really cuts one's autonomy as a person. So the tension that I'm referring to here between true obedience and autonomy isn't one of futilely trying to reconcile within oneself two mutually exclusive tendencies. But it's the reconciliation of two values that can really serve each other. And in a sense, if both of them are to come to fruition, they must serve each other. or I should say, if either of them are to come to full fruition. I choose to yield. And in that mature choice, I become more fully the person that God calls me to be.

[17:37]

Sometimes obedience does mean I die. But I, as an autonomous person, can choose to yield This isn't an easy subject to talk about. It's not an easy thing to live, either. And I've wandered around quite a bit. But if anything here gives you food for reflection, for thought, then it's worth the meandering. And I suggest Psalm 39. So is there anything that you'd like to just talk about or question? Well, there certainly is a place where they discern at these other problems.

[18:42]

It's not important because there's so many pseudos, you know, in our life. And it takes a lot of these mistakes, I think. I mean, as prostitution, because she took marriage and all the way through. Here, too, as you were saying, we recognize the price missing by the lonely crowd, and we as people are other-directed, by which other people direct our lives, we don't have any control. How do you tell the difference between being other-directed by other people and directing yourself towards others? It's not easy. I know myself, people can talk about other brothers in need of control, but they don't have any insight into their own controlling ways. And again, it's necessary to control and to be responsible and so on and so forth. You say it's part of, it's not the opposite of .

[19:51]

It's a very difficult thing to see ourselves as we really are and to what extent. Are you speaking primarily, Dr. Martin, of control in the sense of controlling oneself? No, I mean controlling situations. Controlling others, yeah. It's even what I want. It happens. I say very often, when you can point that out to people and they actually accept it, they really are surprised that that's what they were doing. Again, they don't, it's just so kind of natural is it to us that we don't even. Remember, I was one of those kind of key group things. They had four or five or so on a circle. They give you an odd number of coins and tell you to divide them to come up with an even number of money. It's impossible. I mean, you cannot do the same. But you could at least make some arrangements so that, you know, the task. But every time we deal with a freckle, doing it, one person would always pull back.

[20:55]

And it was the weakest psychology member of the group. But they controlled the whole group by that. And I'm sure the person wasn't doing it deliciously at all. It was, again, a fear that I don't think they recognized. A stranger illustration. Well, let's say we're supposed to divide 36... $1.15 or $0.13 a month by people evenly. It was something you couldn't possibly do. Mathematically, it wouldn't work. So somebody's going to have to wind up with less money than others. I mean, was this a natural situation? No, this was just a test to see how people, how we manipulate, control the situation. Is this something you wonder? Yes. Yeah, the Thornfield years ago. What? No, the Thornfield years ago. Do you want to go? $13.57.

[21:58]

The same thing happens in a codependent situation. The person... trying to take care of the alcoholic. And they're trying to control that whole situation. And what they end up doing is giving their whole life the alcoholic and making it worse for both rather than taking care of themselves first and not helping the alcoholic be an alcoholic. Get that whole thing. Women, especially the women that I'm going to talk about control. They want to control the situation. They want to be in control. And that's a big thing, to be in control.

[23:01]

And being in control means making sure that a person doesn't drink, whether it be a child or a husband or whatever, and doesn't worry. Right. backfires every time. But as I see it, we do it not only with things that are important, we do it even in things like who does the laundry or who does the dishes or whatever. We do that kind of thing around here a lot between ourselves. Of course, there has to be some authority. I mean, it's not as though you can't live together without areas of authority within a community or a group. That is what bothers me. It's when a person is controlling by sort of like... Well, in a way, Father Placid takes control by insisting on the dishes in the cupboards being...

[24:12]

in a certain place. You know, that's his way of controlling his environment. You know, the little sauces have to be here, the big plates have to be here. Everything has to be arranged just that way in the cupboard. And if he comes to the cupboard and it's not arranged that way, he would rearrange it until it's right. And if you add a new pile of dishes to the cupboard, it wrecks great havoc with these. Because now he has no place to put these new dishes. You know, they don't fit in. It takes months before it finally resolves that situation. It took at least four months before those new dishes had place. There's confusion every time. We have a sister who did a lot of geriatric nursing. She was a sister of St. Joseph, and she used to be the nurse in the retirement home and taking care of the old sisters, actually the sisters who were

[25:12]

in infirmary. And she said that that's very typical of older people, that they have to have things in their own place. And it's, you know, it's really important to them that they have that place set just the way they expect it. And maybe because they are afraid they won't be able to get what they need at the time. Yeah, I think Father Blas is afraid that he will be his job. be able to do it, or he won't be able to see, you know, where they belong or something, the wrong place. There's a lot to do with that, yeah. But it's controlling the environment and taking care of it. And in a way, he ends up being a slave with that. Because if they're not where they're supposed to be, then, you know, everything's wrong. Not just those are wrong, everything's wrong. Because it is related to responsibility, as I say.

[26:16]

And then some people are like any responsibility, which is the opposite. And you take responsibility, not you distinguish between, say, a situation. And I think we always think I'm just being responsible. It's a hard thing with community. Yeah. the definition of peace. I thought it was something that it deals with order, the tender and order. Peace is the tranquility of order, is that it? Yeah, yeah. Peace is the tranquility of order. I think that's what it is. Does that sound right? Is that it? Oh, good, thanks. And in some ways, order, it could be a different order. But it has order has to be there.

[27:19]

Which is, you know, whose order is. That's right. And I think it is helpful, at least for me, to put those things into different terms that you say people either Oftentimes confession, they're confessing pride. It's the hardest thing, pride that you've ever heard of. Right, it's probably tremendous insecurity. Yeah. They're trying to be less proud. Four years so undoubted. Thank you. You wish you could inject a little into them, yeah. It's very difficult to recognize it in oneself. It's very easy to see it in somebody else, but very difficult. Perfect. I wonder how one tells... I think you started out by saying it's a question of discernment of spirits.

[28:25]

That discernment of spirits can have a really deep influence on us if we get into a habit of what is prompting me in this situation, especially if there's a beginning of conflict. We say, where am I coming from? But where is my behavior coming from? What's motivating me in this situation? And if I'm honest, I may say, well, if this thing goes in the other direction and it's done the way brother wants it to be done, I'll lose control of it. Or I'll look bad or I won't be comfortable or something. And I think we can get in touch with what's really causing us to hold on to a way. And sometimes maybe it's my responsibility, this job has to be done, and it's my responsibility, and maybe I have to say, I'm sorry, but it really has to be done this way. That's where the discernment comes in.

[29:27]

So it's not an easy thing. But I think if we're willing to at least take those few moments to ask myself, what's motivating me in this potential conflict situation? And if both persons do it, then the possibility of coming to honesty, I think, is much greater than if we just kind of plow in and strongly in wins or, you know, whoever has the greatest authority will win. But to at least be willing to ask ourselves, what's motivating me in this particular situation? Does that touch on what you're thinking? Yeah, I think maybe one thing to ask myself is, first of all, is this my job? Yeah, yeah. then if it isn't my job, then kind of balance with whether... That's right. I should be pushing my way of doing it.

[30:29]

Sometimes if you tell the other person your vote is, tell them it's just what you want them to do, so you can make difference. That's a good point. You tell them why you feel that way, and let you feel strongly about something new. you have a feeling about it. You can communicate that without communicating it as an insistence on doing that. That has to be done that way because it's also, you know, Father Martin said so, or the rules say so, or, you know, that turns my feelings to it. You know, Father, I get strongly about it. And then in the end, If it can't be my way, then I can yield to it graciously. I think that's part of the order that you're speaking of. Because there does have to be someone who makes the decision in these little things, someone along the way who has the authority to do it, who makes the decision. But to be willing to listen to another way or whatever.

[31:33]

I guess it's bound to also the idea of inner authority, which may be another way of saying personal autonomy. But I think when a person has an inner authority, they're less needful of controlling. I don't know how to explain it. Does that make sense to you? Do you know what I mean? Yes, it comes from a sense of self-worth and a peacefulness with yourself. And whatever way it goes, it's okay. But I have my own ideas on what would be a good way. But my whole life isn't dependent, as you're saying, Father Placid now. He's more dependent that these things be such and so. But we don't have to be dependent because our peace isn't there.

[32:41]

Our peace and our self is in here. It's coming from within. This is an important thing for our culture. Oh, yeah. Because we have a distorted notion of liberty. All of that, your liberty becomes a source of self-indulgence. Culturally, we read the freedom, marvelous in many ways, but it has become a source of self-indulgence. Freedom can be an idol. It's necessary to have the freedom. You're not choosing. That's right. Now, we would have a conference tonight, my sister, after, oh, I'm sorry, after the evening.

[34:01]

So, Vestris is at 6 tonight? And then we eat. We eat at a quarter of seven. About seven minutes. Okay. And then what happens? Without a cup. There we go. One more. There we go. Another. No, I don't. You ain't that long. I'm sure. I just want to figure out where the prince is in here, where the station is going. So, after dishes, we... Did you said it? I didn't... Pardon? So, tonight, I'd like to talk a little bit about stillness. One day, the reading at vigils struck me very much.

[35:07]

We had been, in fact, we still are. It's been about two years now. We've been reading the Philokalia as a kind of an ongoing reading at vigils when it's not a feast. And at this point, we were reading St. Peter of Damascus. And listening to public readings isn't my strong point. I'm a visual person. But this day, I just heard these words. And the words were, flee into stillness. And you don't hear that too often. In fact, the words almost sound contradictory, to flee into stillness. But later, I read a little bit more to understand better what he meant. And actually, St. Peter spoke of stillness. Rather, he speaks of stillness quite often as the basis of our inner purification.

[36:09]

It's more than a silence. It's a kind of an attitude of listening to God and of waiting upon his will. And he says that when someone is tempted by the demons, that he should flee into stillness and with tears of compunction, with patient recourse to God and diligent inquiry into Scripture and a desire to accomplish God's purpose, the demon is expelled. And then he says, nothing so benefits the weak as withdrawal into stillness. And since I read that, I've been very conscious of stillness, questioning myself on what it really means. I call it the interior quiet and silence of mind.

[37:15]

And in my experience and the experience of others who share with me, it seems to me there are two places of stillness to which we can flee. There is a physical, external stillness and an interior stillness. And in today's world it isn't all that easy for most people to find a place of stillness, a place where they can really dwell in silence for any length of time. And I think that's one of the obvious blessings a monastery, that we do live in stillness, generally speaking, relatively speaking. And we even have the opportunity of a greater silence. I visited your hermitage yesterday. And we also have two hermitages and grounds that we can go to and know that we'll really be in a quiet place.

[38:25]

A couple of years ago, I visited a monastery in Spain. I had to go to a meeting of the order. And this monastery dated back to the 12th century. And much of it was destroyed, but the refectory of the monastery was still totally intact. And it was one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen. It was unbelievably beautiful. Very, very simple. But the stone work was just beautiful. And the acoustics were so good that I was up in the reader's pulpit that was all stone, just built into the wall. And the others were at the end of the refectory, and it was a huge refectory, like a big church. And just speaking in an ordinary voice, and I don't have that strong a voice, they could hear me exactly, perfectly. It was like just a perfection of tone and...

[39:29]

And the abbot told us that where the monks live is not a beautiful place at all. It's a very poor monastery, actually. And they only have this refectory as a remnant of their once gorgeous 12th century monastery. But he said that when the monks get upset, or if a monk is angry, or if he's just feeling depressed, he'll go over to the refectory. and just walk around the refectory. And he said that that really helps them to get back into perspective. And I think it's the symmetry and beauty of lying, but I think it's also the stillness of the place. We all need places like that where we can find stillness in our lives. But probably Peter of Damascus was referring more to interior stillness, to which one can flee at any moment when anxiety or anger or whatever may bother us threatens to kind of engulf us.

[40:48]

And someone may ask, but if I'm struggling with all this chatter in my mind, How can I reach any interior stillness? And I think that what we have to do is to go below the cacophony, to that place within us that is really not disturbed, like the depth of the ocean not touched by a storm raging on the surface. And I'd like to suggest two ways by which we can penetrate into our own inner stillness. And the first way is prayer. Short, piercing prayer. And the second is the practice of contentment. Short and pure prayer. I think this is the preference of

[41:54]

I think this is the prayer of preference of Saint Benedict. He seems to indicate that prolonged prayer is by special invitation. But every monk is called to give himself to the practice of short, pure prayer, and often. The Desert Fathers have spoken at length on the value of short prayer. I'd just like to mention in this connection a contemporary writer, Walter Brueggemann. I noticed that you have many of his books in the bookstore. I especially like his book on the Psalms. But a while ago someone gave me another of his books called Finally Comes the Poet.

[42:56]

And even though this book is primarily for preachers, I found that it captured a profound insight for anyone who tries to pray in an authentic way. In one sense, Brueggemann is saying, we mustn't be silent. We mustn't let our own pain and fury at injustice and oppression force us into muteness. because there can be no relationship if one party in the relationship is mute, unable to speak. As I understand that, of course, he's speaking in the context of a whole congregation gathered for worship and of the leader in that congregation who must invite and even prod the people. to articulate honestly their need and thus keep the possibility of communion with God open.

[44:06]

Where there's no communication, there can be no communion. But I think our own life of prayer demands a like honesty with the Lord and short, piercing prayer that comes straight out of our heart into the heart of God penetrates right through the tangle of words and emotions. In a sense, there's no time for the emotion to take over in short prayer. And in crying out the pain or anxiety of our heart, the Lord, it seems to me, that the hold that these emotions have on us is lessened. But even more importantly, we are thrusting them into the hands of the only one who can carry that burden.

[45:10]

And this places us in a true relationship with the Lord of our life, because in casting all our care upon him, we can begin to quiet down inside and to find rest in his will for us. The Psalms are really a great model for us in this. There's hardly an emotion or a complaint that we can express that a psalmist hasn't already voiced in powerful terms. Save me, O God. How long, O Lord? O Lord, come, help me. Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord. The prayers of complaint, which we call the lamentations, serve a purpose. And Brueggemann calls this kind of speech a courageous face which addresses God about the pain of the world.

[46:21]

And after all, isn't our pain part of that universal pain. Our temptations and our trials, part of what all people suffer everywhere. I think this prayer can lead to inner quieting and stillness by allowing us to move through the turmoil into the love and mercy of God. We don't have to carry the turmoil that's troubling us, impel us into that inner stillness. Isaac the Syrian has written, Stillness means silence to all things. And it is ridiculous for us to speak of achieving stillness if we do not abandon all things.

[47:26]

and separate ourselves from every care. We might want to think about that and maybe talk about it later because is it possible, is it really possible to abandon all things and separate ourselves from every care? And Isaac says again, When one is deemed worthy of constant and unceasing prayer, one has reached perfection of stillness. In the Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot writes very strikingly, We must be still and still moving into another intensity for a further union, a deeper communication.

[48:28]

We must be still and still moving. These words capture an important fact. Stillness or inner quiet is not an end in itself, at least not in Christian prayer. Inner stillness or the quieting or letting go of all anxiety or resentments, of murmuring. This inner stillness is a movement forward toward a further union, a deeper communication. And then the second practice that can lead us into stillness is the practice of contentment. Again, this is another favorite of St. Benedict, though to my knowledge he uses the word only once.

[49:34]

In the sixth degree of humility, he says that a monk is to be content with the lowest and most menial treatment. A true disciple finds contentment even in the lowliest occupations. And it takes very little to keep a truly... humble person happy maybe because he isn't beset by fits of sadness since he isn't reliant on external goods or praise for his joy when someone has let go of that clamoring for status occupations He is able to bear with others telling him what to do, and he is prepared to do his best at any task given him without expecting congratulations.

[50:41]

The spirit of contentment is the antithesis of murmuring. RB80 translates this grumbling, which according to Benedict, is the vice above all vices. And I guess we've all wondered why St. Benedict places so much emphasis on rooting out, murmuring. In Chapter 5 on commands of the superior, in Chapter 34 on the distribution of goods or the amount of food and wine, in Chapter 40, In fact, he almost pleads with us, do not give in to the evil of murmuring. He's very compassionate about other weaknesses. But this seems to be the unforgivable sin in monks.

[51:46]

And I've wondered why. I don't know if this is Benedict's reason, but this is the way I see it. I think murmuring is a discontentment, either in thought or word, or simply in one's heart. And it contradicts the whole point of monastic life, that is, to live by faith. If I miss that point, then I judge only by human standards and they simply aren't good enough a monk has to be seeing people and events with God in the picture and we can't be doing that really and then kind of murmur a little on the side

[52:52]

So St. Benedict says, be content. And in that contentment, inner stillness is born. Contentment is an attitude of one who is poor in spirit, one whose heart is set on God and who labors to see God in daily events. I came across this passage. in a book by Irene Hoser. Contemplation is proportionate to our being content with everything God does, but content with a certain spontaneity, with ease, in a relaxed way. To be content with everything is to be a contemplative. It is a secret revealed to true children of the Father.

[53:55]

Do we want to make progress in peace, in a deep and calm contentment, and in the joy that comes from the Holy Spirit? The essential thing is precisely this, to live content under the gaze of God. When I read this first verse, I was reminded of St. Therese of Lisieux. This secret revealed to the children of the father sounds so simple, just like Therese's whole doctrine of abandonment sounds simple. It is simple in the sense of direct and uncomplicated, but it isn't easy. Because this contentment, this inner peace in the face of every human event can only be the work of love and sometimes heroic love.

[55:01]

I don't know if you are familiar with the movie, Therese. Did you see that? No? You did? We had it on video and I had heard a lot about it and heard that it was a really excellent film. It's an artistic film and had gotten really good ratings. I only saw a little bit of it, and what I saw, I wasn't terribly impressed, but that was just a little bit. But the part I saw was where Therese was dressed up as Joan of Arc. You may remember that scene in her life. And she had put on a play for the community. of Joan of Arc and a sister was taking a picture of her and I think this picture taking had gone on for a long time and Therese collapsed and shortly after that she died in the movie I don't know whether that was true to life but in that scene I could see the whole of Therese's life her little way

[56:17]

because she had wanted to be a missionary, and she had wanted to be a martyr for God. And in fact, she was. Her love was heroic, and it was universal. But this was how it was expressed, by standing for torturous moments while her sister took pictures. It was so ordinary and so simple. Only the costume she wore belied the courage that was underneath. She really was a warrior like Joan of Arc. In Matthew, Jesus praises the Father for revealing these things to little children. And later in chapter 18, He speaks even more strongly, unless you receive the kingdom as a child.

[57:26]

To live content under the gaze of God, this is a secret revealed to true children of the Father. It is simple, but it isn't easy. It is a love that endures all things. Inner stillness, dwelling in the cave of one's heart, where thoughts of wrong suffered and pride of spirit are barred, requires that we forget ourselves, that we quiet discordant voices, not by running away from them, but by piercing through them. In short, continual prayer to God. And this stillness requires that we live content under the gaze of God, letting go of all obsessive worry.

[58:35]

I suggest Psalm 130. I think it's living content. Oh, but quieting discordant voices not by running away from them, but by piercing through them. Finally comes the poet. You have it in your bookstore, I think. Is that the name, Luke? I think it is. Anybody else know that book? It's a good one. very still.

[59:59]

This culture doesn't help. This thing that we had on, even for contentment, it used to be, I mean, Yeah, yeah. This is not easy. We had a documentary on Mormons, and one person was saying that in those days, people were content to be an observant. That was their thing. their way of life for the end of their life. And, well, it seems that with the competition that came to change your way, because that is, so to speak, and people were never content with what they had.

[61:24]

I don't know if contentment is the same as resignation. Yeah. That's right. You choose something. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a good question. Would anyone else have any thought on that? Is it possible today in our culture with, you know, the emphasis on achievement? And growth. Yeah, growth. That's right. That's right. You know, that's whether it makes any sense. If it doesn't go up, it's going to go down, so. So do you think this... is possible, or even something that is good. It's more difficult in our culture because, again, the condemnation can sound like resignation, which nobody wants to do.

[62:35]

If you don't ever experience real condemnation. That's right. Yeah. The border is so close. And also, we're so encouraged to, which also has the right, I mean, there's the right way to understand that, but I would say contentment leads to apothea. Would anybody else have a thought on that? Passionlessness. Passionlessness. Like if you're sitting in your hut making mats, I can see up there being even more easily practiced.

[63:43]

But if you, well, lots of work today is so complicated. You have to sort of go to it. It's more of an aggressive type of word. And I often thought that this notion of apatheia was possibly incompatible with that kind of employment. I don't just mean to . Yeah. I think that's a balancing. I think that, say, a craftsman is not having seen discontentment And the fact that he intends to make each slave maybe better or the very best in his ability, that's not this content when he's trying to achieve that skill and put into each piece of the product. That's not lack of contentment. In fact, that can be very much contentment that you're going along and make each one's the very best that you can

[64:52]

But you can do this kind of contentment. I find great contentment in that. I find that a very peaceful kind of thing. Well, my point is that most modern people are not craftsmen working at a simple job like a matmaker or a carpenter, but they're into kind of aggressive employment. They are salespeople. You have truck drivers on the open roofs, people who are involved in economics, sort of like pro-promotion. Well, the jobs are just more complicated. Challenging. You demand more, you know, your attention and everything. My brother, I mean, he's one of the top salesmen for GE, but it's a consuming spike of work. Well, he's content if he's content for the word, but he's certainly not sympathetic.

[65:54]

Chris, I wouldn't say this to businessmen. I mean, this is for monks. I think there's a difference in what we can do. I feel a monk is called to something that a businessman isn't called to as far as a spiritual path. I think the monastic path is slightly different. So I would never say this to, you know, like a congregation like this morning at mass. But the idea of the apatheia and contentment, for me, they're not the same. And I think you can be really content in this sense of innerly quiet and be doing things and be quite absorbed in what you're doing, you know, quite given. to the task and doing it well. To me, there isn't a dichotomy. But I'm not answering your question about apotheia because I'm not that familiar with apotheia.

[66:59]

No, you said you don't think they're the same. I don't myself. Do you? Yes, right. What would you say is different between our Well, I think the basic path is the same. It's the path of law of returning to God. But I think the way is different. And for me, our way is the way of the rule of Benedict. It's the Christian life lived according to the rule of Benedict and the monastic tradition. So it has a lot of of explicitations of the gospel, you might say. Well, everything that comes into the monastic tradition, I would say.

[68:06]

Just use another word besides tradition. I don't know that I can say it in any other way without getting very specific about all the monastic way and practices. Would there be more time for prayer? Sure, I would see not even so much time for prayer, but a commitment to prayer. I would see prayer, I would see the community commitment. responsibility, the vows, our obligations arising out of the vows. Because I've chosen to live in this community, I am responsible to this community.

[69:17]

I didn't have to join this community. That's what I meant. But it's different. That's why I say it's basically the same. The values might be the same. A family man, one of his methods would be to make sure he has insurance in care of his family if something should happen.

[70:19]

With a monk, that's not a method. That would be a wrong method. You know, to insure his life so that he won't suffer if he's gone. That would be ungnostic. Anybody else have any thoughts on that? Because there certainly are certain practices of the monastic life that many people live, so they're not confined to the monastic life. Everyone prays and needs to pray and needs to have contact with the Word of God, as you were saying this morning in your homily. It's just maybe the way it's done. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know how else to respond to that. How distinct would you see us from the faithful?

[71:29]

Okay, we're not talking about Higher, lower, better, worse, or anything like that. Okay. I don't know what more I could say than simply that the way I would see monastics are Christians who have been called and chosen to live their Christian life in a specific way. And that specific way involves, and this will be according to what rule they're living, the obligations of a rule that they find helps them in their journey to God. And everything that springs from that rule

[72:37]

obedience, humility, celibacy, fraternal love within that community. It doesn't set them apart from other Christians who are also called to the fullness of love, but it just specifies the way that fullness of love is going to be expressed. Would you say something else, Father Martin? No, no, it was one of those kind of questions that seems to be, you know, it was sort of marvelous. Yeah. It's an old thing about Gustlin's, you know, if you ask him what I mean, there's no problem when you tell me to explain it, you know, I'm lost. Because, again, technically we don't really know St. Benedict in the precise way. In some sense, we'll all be like rulers. Right. And so it, it, I mean, we are living in a certain way.

[73:42]

And I mean, I believe that there is a distinction about our life. I think it has to do with the things that you mentioned, especially to the people that are living there. It's kind of a primary responsibility to these people. And I guess I'd make that one of it. You know, you say, as you realize, the humility, but in the true sense of what it actually is, and I'm also putting out to be used of Jesus and to Jesus, which could be, you know, pretty close to the sacred. You know, I mean, like, in our rule, what have you ever commanded on your command? I do. So, In that way, our obedience can be a lot different. They're not that different from people in GM and McDonald's.

[74:46]

And the fact that we've chosen this, I think, is a lot more volunteers. And children were born into this problem. And then our attention is . It's possible that the life here is more intense in a sense of spirituality, of the opportunity the environment is conducive to prayer, where there are distractions. I know many people, in my judgment, manifest very heroic sanctity in fulfilling their duty to their God, to their family, and to stay open to that group. But one of the things that attracted me to monastic life was the fact that There'd be the opportunity to intensify some of the things that I was not able to do in the secular life. One instance, I used to occasionally drive by a Catholic church, and I stopped to pay a listen.

[75:49]

And the next thing I know, it was a sense of time. And I'd be there maybe an hour or longer, and I'd feel like, oh, do you want to live? You're violating, you know, distributive justice. You're not doing what you should be doing. If you want to do this, you want to go to a place where you can do it and not expect somebody else to pay for your time and push it down. All of that size is more human activity. But it violated my obligation, my covenant with the organization of which I was working. So there's these moments that I've never started for a period of my time. Oh, let's go back to all this business. I see like, but when I first came and it was speaking about seeking God, well, I was somewhat quietly amused. I thought, well, in various states of my life, I've always known God. And I think, no, I don't seek Him. I realize I've already found Him.

[76:51]

The question is like being in love with somebody. You may be absent for a time, but your thoughts, your mind, or your being is Constantly thinking about it. I think it's one of the intensity of living in an environment where you can do this. It won't be some distractions, as you might find, in secular society. Even with people who do those things. Living things. There is a certain Most people in its secular environment, longer-term commitment, but more involvement with the idea of commitment, of having made that commitment.

[77:58]

Consciousness. Consciousness. You know. a lot of times in secular life, you make commitments, but it's not a major proportion of the life. It's not brought up every day. It's not something that's very evident in what you're doing. It's not part of your everyday activity. I think in a nasty life, I find that commitment is in many ways the very core what you do, but you're quite obvious of it. Not that it's a great way to, it may be a joy to have that. I hope it is. But that's not definite to me. A lot of people are secular. If I want to change my life, my own business, I used to change my life.

[79:00]

We see this, especially in deterioration of the family. Even kids going to school, you know, when parents are being married, they're going to get them into a loss all and all of a sudden, your son won't be an artist, you know. And, you know, okay. We can't get terribly busy ourselves, you know, inside and outside. That's our fault, of course. That's the things that make you wonder what it'll be precisely. Then ever since, that included, this is about, you know, what is the care isn't one of the needs of modern time. So you're always trying to work with both those, and you do it and authenticate it on one hand. But nevertheless, we're doing it in terms of 1991. I often like to ask people what do they mean by, you know, take up the cross, but some of those kind of statements, you have no answer, I don't think.

[80:22]

It just kind of keep you thinking. Now, tomorrow we have math that

[80:29]

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